Assertive Skills

How to be Assertive by Speaking Fluent Body Language

You've probably heard the expressions before... "Chin up, shoulders back," "Keep your distance," "Feet on the ground," "Pain in the neck." But have you ever wondered how they came about? It all has to do with body language.

Simply put, body language is the unspoken communication we all use in every face-to-face encounter with other human beings. You could say it's more powerful than anything said aloud. Ninety-three per cent of our everyday communications is non-verbal. Only 7% has to do with words at all. You could be telling that other person much more with your body language than you would ever say in words.

Determining and regulating your own body language could well mean the difference when it comes to job interviews, networking meetings, banquets and business dinners, or even a social occasion, such as a date. Even trickier is learning to read and understand the other person's body language.

Being Assertive using Body Language

The right attitude to be able to win friends is to be more assertive. Being assertive is actually just your ability to stand up for yourself, tackle issues face to face, state your own personal views, and defend others when they are being taken advantage of. Contrary to what you may think, being assertive is very much different from being bossy and overbearing.

Assertiveness is actually a good thing. Without it, you inevitably hold back in your career and your personal life. If you are usually compared to another one of your co-workers because the two of you have similar levels of experience and skills, then it is more likely that the more assertive one is rewarded with the promotion.

It is natural that some people are more assertive than others; whether you are part of the former or the latter, it does not matter. What matters is that you get to learn assertive behavior, which ensures you are in the path for new opportunities.

For you to be assertive, you have to keep in mind the effects of positive body language. It is not difficult, actually. You just need to show the person you are talking to that you are attentive and that you truly care about whatever topic it is that you are discussing.

So, you're probably asking yourself, "How do I regulate my body language to be more assertive and give a true representation of how I feel when I interact with others?"

Distance and Angles

Start with the distance between you and the person with whom you're speaking. If you get too close, people feel you're in their face, or too pushy. Too far away, and you could be seen as standoffish.

The angle of your body is a dead giveaway to others. We tend to angle our body towards those people we find friendly or interesting, and angle away from those we feel are cold or unfriendly. Crossing your arms over your chest shows defensiveness. This posture says, "I'm closed off and keeping you out."

Eye Contact

When in a conversation, you have to do everything you can to maintain eye-to-eye contact. It is believed that your eyes are the windows to your soul. Therefore, for you to be able to achieve a heartfelt and productive conversation, you have to show the other party your undivided attention.

You must not, under any circumstances, look around while the other person is talking. You have to always make sure that the person you're talking to sees that you are truly participating in your conversation by listening intently, while maintaining eye-to-eye contact.

Eye contact is one of the most important ways to communicate with others. Looking them in the eye shows respect and interest.

Eye contact is one of the most important ways to communicate with others. Looking them in the eye shows respect and interest. We've all experienced the person who looks constantly at their watch, or seems to be far away and not listening to us. Their body language says, "I have other places to be and other more interesting people to talk to than you." Or the person that you know is not listening to what you're saying, but instead is busy deciding what he/she will say next. Someone whose eyes are downcast, not looking you in the eye could be exhibiting signs of shyness, or it could be deceit. Someone who is lying to you will not look you in the eye.

Head Position

The head position also says a lot. To show confidence or authority, simply keep your head level. This says, "Take me seriously, my words are important." To show friendliness and interest in what the other person is saying, tilt your head slightly to one side or the other.

For you to be able to further express that you are, in fact, approaching your conversation with respect and attention, you may lean forward. Leaning forward is a gesture that shows that you want to hear more and would want the other party to expound on what he or she has just said.

Of course, leaning backward is the opposite. It proves that you are only engaging yourself in the conversation because you have to, and not because you truly care about what is bothering the other party.

You have to prevent yourself from being pushy in your newfound relationship. You must not force your opinions and beliefs on the other party if he or she radically believes otherwise. Just let things be, accept them as how they are.

Mouth Movements

Mouth movements are easy clues to what the other person may be feeling. If they purse their lips or twist them, they could be thinking carefully about what you just said, or disagreeing with you, but holding back comment. You can certainly tell when someone is not pleased.

The Handshake

The handshake is extremely important in the communication with others. No one wants to shake a hand like a wet noodle; at the same time, a handshake needn't be a contest of strength. It's a handshake, not arm wrestling. Many people also don't quite know what to do with their hands after the handshake, especially when meeting someone new. They tend to clasp their hands together, nervously, or fiddle with their jewelry.

Just Be Assertive

Taking the initiative of beginning a conversation, or in stating your views without pushing them to the other party, is the right way for a productive and effective conversation. Do not worry about giving the other party an image that you are overly confident; for being assertive is not only about being confident, it is also about understanding other people and the empathy that you give them.

Indeed, it has been observed and proven that body language has a huge part when it comes to being assertive. Body language shows the other party that you are attentive to what he or she is saying. It is not all about looking good and speaking for yourself. It is also about making other people more comfortable when they talk and express their personal thoughts with you.

Since we're constantly sending out these powerful messages, it's clear we should make an effort to learn more about what our bodies say to others. And learning what others are really saying to us is of paramount importance in our day-to-day communications.

So, chin up, shoulders back, keep your distance, head up, eyes sharp, don't be pushy or standoffish, smile and shake that hand. You too can learn to become more assertive by speaking fluent body language.

Author: Michael Lee

Principles of Feedback

How to Give Difficult Messages and Stay Liked and Respected

Providing advice to people is always tough, but if it’s done right, you not only get the message across, but you build a tighter and stronger relationship with the person.

You may think that feedback is limited to people in positions of power such as managers and parents but everyone often needs to give those difficult messages. This can involve telling your best friend that you do not like their swearing while still being best friends, it can be telling a family member to do their chores around the house without fights starting, or telling someone about an annoying habit that is really getting at you. These are just a few of the many examples where we need to give advice/feedback. The major problem is without the communication skills, if we give advice we’ll stuff it up!

Also, when you do provide advice, you won’t make the same mistakes as you have. As a rule in communication, you are taught not to give advice. I am completely for this rule because when the average person gives advice, they do not have the skills to successfully do so. They give advice with 100% intent on helping the person, but the receiving person sees the message as a form of control.

The person either thinks that you are trying to do things your way or that you think he’s not capable of running his own life. He loses a sense of ownership and control in his life leading to destructive behaviors such as frequent arguing, complaining, and passive aggressive communication (quite actions that are destructive as a way of releasing frustration).

Constructive feedback/advice is one of the only ways for the person to positively accept what you say.

You have to give constructive feedback. That means you have a responsibility to help them develop.

What is Constructive Feedback?

First, I’ll tell you what it’s not.
Constructive feedback is not criticism because it’s all negative and personal.
Constructive feedback is a not personal (e.g. you are lazy), but a targeted response to an individual’s action or behavior (e.g. you did not accomplish the task you agreed to complete) that is intended to help them learn, and is delivered from a place of respect. You see that by saying something about the task and not person-specific, you minimize them receiving it as a personal attack.
Constructive feedback does not shut the person out but rather invites the individual receiving the feedback to shed light, share their perspective, or provide their response (e.g. Do you see it differently?)
Constructive feedback does not blame (e.g. it is your fault the dishes were not done straight away). Again, it is a personal attack on the person and he will either argue with you intensifying the problem, or he will become defensive and try to shift the blame elsewhere.

Why Constructive Advice Works

Constructive advice/feedback enables us to give difficult messages honestly to those we care about.
However, instead of insulting, shutting-down others, or alienating those who receive the advice, and damaging their self esteem and confidence, it motivates them to ask for help and maintains their sense of control while feeling supported and respected. Constructive advice is delivered out of respect and a genuine desire to help the individual.

Principles of Feedback

1. Choose Correct Timing
Praise is most effective when given as soon as possible after the behavior has occurred. Immediate feedback will help to reinforce a correct behavior and make it more likely to happen again.
When an incorrect behavior is not corrected with feedback, the individual will begin to adopt the incorrect behavior more frequently. It is highly desirable to give corrective feedback before the situation occurs again. You want to help the person stop repetitive behaviors.
Do not provide advice directly after the event, but at a later time when the both of you are not experiencing strong emotions. This will keep “the heat” down and enable a clearer conversation to solve the problem.

2. Ask for Self Assessment
Begin by asking the person for self-assessment as it involves them in the feedback process. It is more effective to allow the person to voice opinions before providing your point of view. You are listening and understanding their experience and feelings. You're building on what they do by gathering information from them and then presenting yourself based on their input.
Letting them express themselves first also helps to promote an open atmosphere and dialog.
Self-assessment also helps the person become better at the problem and more independent through self-correction, which in the long-run is more beneficial when a similar problem arises then you nagging and nipping at their backside.
What if the person doesn't want to self-assess?
Most people will be very willing to blurt out their opinion. Their willingness to self-assess also greatly depends on the problem. If the problem is very emotional and hasn't been discussed, then its likely the person would be unwilling to self-assess.
You don't know if they're unwilling to provide their self-assessment until you actually ask for it. If they're unwilling, it's still part of the advice giving process because they then know you're at least trying to not control them through sergeant-like commands and orders. When asking them what they feel about the situation by self-assessing it presents the opportunity for two-way communication.

3. Focus on Specifics
When you focus on a specific correct or incorrect behavior, you remove the feedback from the sphere of personality differences and the other person will be more willing and able to change. By being specific the person does not feel he is being personally attacked and knows the advice is task orientated and not person orientated.

For example, when providing corrective feedback:

Do: “When you did not wash the dishes last night, I came home from work tired at 11pm and did them myself.”
Don’t: “I did the dishes last night because of you” - wrong because you emphasized the person is the problem and not the unwashed dishes. It is person orientated. Make it task/problem orientated as in the ‘do’ example.

When providing praise:

Do: “Thank you for doing the dishes last night. I was able to have a shower straight after work and go to bed.”
Don’t: “Thanks for doing the dishes” - this isn’t too bad but you can see it lacks a true feeling of thankfulness. By being specific, it enhances your appreciation.
An even less desirable compliment is simply saying “thanks for that”. What are you thankful? Be specific! You are encouraging good behavior.

4. Limit Feedback to a Few Important Points
Good communicators identify one or two critical areas and help the person address them one at a time. It is too hard to examine and try to change many aspects of behavior in one go.
Restrict your feedback to one or two important points so that you do not overwhelm the other person with too many things to consider.

5. Provide More Praise than Corrective Advice
Positive reinforcement is one of the strongest factors in bringing about change. Unfortunately a lot of people always focus on the negative.
When you give corrective feedback, remember to point out corrective behaviors first. This is as important as pointing out mistakes and areas that need improvement. Also, always end the conversation on a positive. This can be simple as saying “Thank you (name) for talking this over with me.” This is powerful and will leave the person with lingering thoughts of your advice and honest intention to help them.

As long as feedback is given in a non-judgmental and appropriate way, it is a valuable piece of information for learning and for our continued development as a person.

By Joshua Uebergang

Qualities of High Performing Teams

There are basically five qualities of the most productive work teams that you need to foster throughout the stages of team development. The degree to which you accomplish this before you start working will determine your success as a team leader and the success of the team as a whole.

The first quality is the existence of shared values. You can foster this quality by asking the question, "What are our values?" or, "What do we stand for?" People will contribute the values they consider the most important. As they do, you or someone else can write them on a flipchart. The values will usually be something like: integrity, excellence, quality, caring about people, profitability, and harmony.

The second quality of top teams is shared objectives. It is absolutely essential that everyone takes the time to discuss the actual reason for forming the team and the chief results that are expected of them.

Leaders are those who can see the big picture. They are absolutely clear about what it is they want to accomplish and what it will look like. They have the ability to articulate this vision in the minds and hearts of others and to get everyone, no matter what their background or personality, working together in harmony toward the realization of that vision.

People cannot hit a target they cannot see. Again, even though it may appear time consuming, everyone needs to have ample opportunity to discuss and agree on the ultimate goals desired before work begins. The more thorough the discussion on goals and objectives, the more effective the team will be when it begins working.

The third quality of highly-productive teams is shared activities. Everyone knows what they are supposed to contribute to the achievement of the overall goals and objectives of the team. Everyone also knows what each of the other members is expected to do. All the work that has to be done is clearly divided up among the team members, and everyone knows their role in the process.

The fourth quality of high-performing teams is that the head of the team leads the action. You become the role model for all of the others. You go out in front. You continually look for ways to make it easier for your team members to do their jobs. You accept complete responsibility for the achievement of the overall goal. You start a little earlier, you work a little harder, and you stay a little later. You set careful priorities on your time and you always work on your highest value tasks. You never ask anyone to do something that you wouldn’t do yourself. You always put yourself out in front and go to bat for your people in every circumstance. You are a leader because you continually lead.

The fifth and final quality of high-performing teams is that individually and as a group, they continually evaluate their progress toward their goals and values. The are always asking themselves, "How are we doing, and how can we do better?" When they manufacture or sell products in the marketplace, they ask their customers for ongoing feedback and evaluation. They set incredible standards of excellence and they are constantly striving to be better.

Whenever they have problems, misunderstandings, or difficulties within the team, they reexamine their values, their goals, their activities, their assignments, and their responsibilities. They are more concerned with what’s right than with who’s right. They are more concerned with winning than with not losing. High-Performing teams run by excellent leaders, are determined to perform in an excellent fashion. All members know that their ability to work together in harmony and cooperation is the key to the success of every one of them.

Stages Of Team Development - The Role of a Leader

Your ability to negotiate, communicate, influence, and persuade others to do things is absolutely indispensable to everything you accomplish in life. The most effective men and women in every area are those who can quite competently organize the cooperation and assistance of other people toward the accomplishment of important goals and objectives.

Of course, everyone you meet has different values, opinions, attitudes, beliefs, cultural values, work habits, goals, ambitions, and dreams. Because of this incredible diversity of human resources, it has never been more difficult and yet more necessary for diplomatic leaders to emerge and form these people into high-performing teams.

Fortunately, leaders are made, not born. You learn to become a leader by doing what other excellent leaders have done before you. You become proficient in your job or skill, and then you become proficient at understanding the motivations and behaviors of other people. As a leader, you combine your personal competencies with the competencies of a variety of others into a smoothly functioning team that can out-play and out-perform all its competitors.

When you become a team leader, even if your team only consists of one other person, you must immediately develop a whole new set of leadership skills. In order to determine what these skills are, you need to consider the genesis of high-performing teams.

Teams generally go through four phases as they evolve toward high performance. These stages are called forming, storming, norming, and performing.

The forming stage is very important, perhaps even critical, to the success of the team. Your ability to select the proper team members in order to accomplish a particular task—personal or business—is the mark of the superior leader. If you select the wrong people in the first place, it becomes almost impossible afterward to build a winning team, just as it would be impossible to win athletic championships with unskilled or ill-suited players.

In the forming stage, the team members come together and begin to get a feeling for each other. There will be a good deal of discussion, argument, disagreement, personal expression of likes and dislikes, and the forming of friendly alliances between team members.

This stage, especially the discussions and conversations that take place, may seem time consuming, but it is absolutely indispensable to the development of a unified group of people that you can lead. One of the most important qualities of a leader is that of patience. And patience is never more necessary than when you are going through the early stages of assembling your team.

The second stage of team development is called storming. Storming is a shortened form of the word "brainstorming." It is during this stage when the group, whose members are now comfortable with each other, begins the hard work of setting goals and deadlines, dividing up the tasks, and getting on with the job. During the storming phase, people learn about the contributions that each member can make to achieve the purposes of the team.

The third stage of team development is called norming. This is where norms and standards are established among the team members so that everyone feels secure and confident in his or her place. All members know what is expected and how it is to be measured. And all members are aware of the responsibilities and obligations that they have, not only to the job, but to the each other as well. Your ability as a leader to promote the norming process is critical to the success of the team.

The fourth stage of team development is performing. In the final analysis, your ability to get results is all that really matters. Your lifestyle, your rate of promotion and level of rewards, and your respect and esteem among your co-workers and bosses will all be determined by your ability to perform and to get others to perform.

The wonderful thing about becoming a leader in your work and personal life is that you can practice the skills of influencing and persuading others toward a common objective. You can promote the principles of excellent teamwork by establishing your values and goals, determining your activities, and then leading the action. And you can improve yourself by continually evaluating your performance against your standards.

Effective Public Speaking

Begin with something to get the attention of the audience
This might be a startling statement, statistic, or your own story. Listeners pay close attention when a person begins with, "Two weeks ago as I was driving to work a car pulled out in front of me..." You could begin with a current event: "You might have read in the paper this morning about the flood that..."

A question is another way to make people listen. "How many of you feel our society spends too much on medical care?" might be a way to begin a presentation about curbing costs. Whatever technique you use, when you grab the attention of the audience you are on your way to a successful speech.

Second, be energetic in delivery
Speak with variety in your voice. Slow down for a dramatic point and speed up to show excitement. Pause occasionally for effect. Don't just stand behind the lectern, but move a step away to make a point. When you are encouraging your audience, take a step toward them.

Gesture to show how big or wide or tall or small an object is that you are describing. Demonstrate how something works or looks or moves as you tell about it. Show facial expression as you speak. Smile when talking about something pleasant and let your face show other emotions as you tell about an event or activity. Whatever your movements, they should have purpose.

Structure your speech
Don't have more than two or three main points, and preview in the beginning what those points will be.

With each point, have two or three pieces of support, such as examples, definitions, testimony, or statistics. Visual aids are important when you want your audience to understand a process or concept or understand a financial goal. Line graphs are best for trends. Bar graphs are best for comparisons and pie graphs are best for showing distribution of percentages.

Tie your points together with transitions. These could be signposts such as "First," "Second," or "Finally." Use an internal summary by simply including the point you just made and telling what you plan to talk about next. "Now that we have talked about structure, let's move on to the use of stories," would be an example.

When you have an introduction, two or three main points with support for each, appropriate transitions, and a conclusion, you will have your speech organized in a way that the audience can follow you easily.

Tell your own story somewhere in the presentation
This applies especially in a technical presentation. Include a personal experience that connects to your speech content, and the audience will connect with you. You want to help the audience link emotionally with what you are talking about, and the personal experience does that.

With almost any topic you might choose, you have at least one "war story" to relate to the topic. When you tell the story, simply start at the beginning and move chronologically through the narrative, including answers to the "W" questions: "Who," "What," "When," "Why," and "Where."

With almost any topic have at least one 'war story' to relate to the topic.

To add interest and understanding to your speech, include a visual aid. A visual aid could be an object, a flip chart, a PowerPoint presentation, overhead projector slides, or a dry erase board. Whatever visual you are using, make sure everyone can see it. The best way to insure this is to put the visual where you will be speaking, and then find the seat farthest from it and determine if you can read the visual from that seat.

Introduce the visual properly rather than simply throwing it at your audience; explain what the visual will do before you unveil it. Don't allow the visual to become a silent demonstration.

Keep talking as you show the visual. You are still the main event and your visual is an aid. Look at your audience, not your visual. When the visual is not in use, hide it from the audience. Humans are a curious lot, tending to keep looking at the object and losing track of the speaker-you!

If you are delivering a persuasive speech, in addition to your own stories include testimony of experts whom the audience respects and whose views reinforce your points. Add a key statistic when possible to show the seriousness of what you are discussing. By using stories, testimony, and statistics in your persuasive talk, you add depth to your evidence.

Look at the audience as you speak
If it is a small audience, you can look at each person in a short period of time. If it is a large audience, look at the audience in small "clumps" and move from one clump to another.

One way to insure good eye contact is to look at your audience before you start to speak. Go to the lectern and pause, smile, look at the audience, and then speak. This will help you maintain good eye contact throughout your presentation as well as commanding immediate attention.

One of the ways to have consistently good eye contact is not to read your speech. Use note cards that have key words on them. The word or phrase should trigger the thought in your mind and then you can speak it. If you are including a quotation or complex statistics, reading from your note card actually lends credibility. If you write out your speech you will tend to read it and lose eye contact with the audience, as well as not being as enthusiastic in delivery as when you speak from note cards.

Structure your speech
Include a "wow" factor in your speech. Something in your speech should make your audience think, "Wow!" It could be a story, a dramatic point, an unusual statistic, or an effective visual that helps the audience understand immediately.

With a "wow" factor, you then have something to look forward to in the speech that you know will have an impact on your audience. You'll become a more enthusiastic speaker because the "wow" factor will get you as well as your audience pumped for the speech.

Consider using a touch of humor in your speech
Humor will help you to be perceived as an amiable person, and it is hard for people to disagree or be bored if they are smiling at you.

Until you have lots of experience, keep your humor short. Perhaps inject a one-liner or a quotation. Yogi Berra said a lot of funny things. "You can observe a lot just by watching" for example. Tell a short embarrassing moment in your life that you might have thought not funny at the time. Now that you can laugh at the experience, you understand the old adage, "Humor is simply tragedy separated by time and space."

Don't poke fun at your audience; you should be the object of any shortcoming, showing that you can laugh at yourself. Avoid long stories or jokes. Even seasoned speakers know that funny stories soon become unfunny if they go on too long. Probably the least risky use of humor is a cartoon. The cartoon is separate from you and if people don't laugh, you don't feel responsible. (Be sure to secure permission to use it.)

Finally, leave the audience with something to think about
People remember best what you say last. You might summarize your main points, or you might complete the statement, "What I want you to do as a result of this presentation is..." But beyond that, make your last words a thought to ponder. For example, I might end a speech on becoming a better speaker with "As Cicero said centuries ago, 'The skill to do comes with the doing.'"

A more modern guide to effective public speaking was penned by some unknown sage: "Know your stuff. Know whom you are stuffing. Know when they are stuffed."

Motivation

How to think like Champions

“Losers say they might and winners say they will. It’s as simple as that. Of course, attitude has a lot to do with winning and life success”.

Be Outcome Oriented
Nothing comes easy in life. If things were easy, then everyone’s life would be blissful. If we want the things that we want in life, then we have to know what we must give up in order to get it. That means we have to get our hands dirty doing the grunt work before we can enjoy the rewards. If we focus solely on the grunt work, we won’t be as motivated as the ultimate reward of completing that job. For example, paying bills causes us pain, but having the bills paid gives us pleasure. Exercise causes us pain (or at least discomfort), but having exercised causes us pleasure. Winners in life are outcome oriented. Instead of focusing on the grunt work which they don’t like, they see the end result of having done that grunt work. It’s that ability which motivates great achievers do accomplish so much more.

Reflect on Your Daily Achievements
At the end of each day, on a piece of paper, your journal, or computer, write down at least five things that you accomplished that day. Review that list and be proud of your achievements. Each morning when you wake up, coach yourself towards achieving small steps that you can write down on your list at the end of each day.

Pick a Role-Model and Get Inspired
All champions do this when they first start out because remember that champions are never born—they are made. They all had role-models that they aspired to be like and the role-models that they chose showed the particular skills or traits that they wanted in themselves. Many of us, however, choose poor role-models or no role-models at all as a result, they aspire to be nothing at all. It goes to show that if you want to be the best at something, then you have to model yourself after the best out there. I suggest that you read inspirational books, magazines, articles, or watch documentaries or interviews with great people. Go and rent inspiring videos that are about human perseverance and stories of success. Role-models also serve the purpose of giving you a blueprint to follow. Remember that the best of the best out there are really no different than you or I, but we can learn what they did to rise above and beyond the rest and then follow in their footsteps down the road that they have already carved.

Build Yourself a Winning Team
No successful professional is ever a one-person accomplishment. Behind every great professional is the multitude of supporting personnel that keeps him in prime shape with the objective of winning. A lot of times, we don’t see that. We only see, for example, two boxers in the ring. While the game ultimately comes down to that particular athlete, it’s their infrastructure that plays a bigger part of their winning or losing a fight. That team includes coaches, specialty trainers, therapists, and an army of other people that we rarely see when they compete.

In order for us to achieve our goals, we too will need a winning team on our side. Be careful of the relationships that we get involved in and make sure that the relationships that we get involved in are synergistic in nature, meaning that we benefit from it. Often, our clients come to us with parasitic relationships where one person (the parasite) feeds off the other person,

whether it be physically, financially and/or emotionally, until that person is just an empty husk of the person they once were. Don’t enter parasitic relationships, just as a professional would not hire an incompetent trainer to be by his side. Your ability to be a winner is directly linked to your ability to choose a winning team.

Make Your Daily Tasks “Idiot Proof”
Mozart was said to be able to create pristine and perfect pieces of music that were note-perfect on his first attempt. Well, God created Mozart and then he must have been falling asleep when he created us because we rarely get anything perfect the first time. We are not the type of people who can simply work on a project that has multiple steps to it because we’ll procrastinate on it until the very end and slap something together the night before it’s due, which if we are lucky, will slightly resemble a finished project. For us to get things done, we need to “stupefy” our tasks and what I mean by that is that we need our tasks to be so no-brainer that we don’t have to think much to get them done. We need concrete and simple “next actions” that we can put ourselves on auto-run and not have to worry about. Procrastination and unrealized goals happen when we know what we want, but we don’t know how to get there. We should take a goal that has many steps to it and break it down as much as we can. Break that goal down until each step can’t be broken down any further. By having very simple actions on our daily task list, it removes the brainwork from the equation and all we have to do is simply DO IT.

Develop a “No Retreat, No Surrender” Attitude
Champions are not the superheroes that we make them out to be. They are in fact regular people just like us. The difference between champions and losers is the fact that when the two groups are faced with adversity and pain, it’s the losers who turn and run away and it’s the winners who push forward. You see, winners have a “No retreat, no surrender” mentality. They burn the bridge behind them and there is no going back. They put 100% of their energy on seeing a goal towards completion, regardless of the pain they might have to endure to get there.

When you decide to put 100% of your focus on a goal, make sure you set in stone and tell yourself that there is simply no other way to get out of it other than by seeing that goal to its completion. There are no if's, and’s or but’s—no excuses at all, you just get it done regardless. Make it a habit to burn the bridges behind you when you set your goals so that you eliminate all your possible ways of retreating.

Celebrate Your Victories
Finally, champions go out and celebrate their victories and so should you. Celebrations are fun and not only that, they also serve to reset your mind so that you can start the whole process of winning over again. But true champions also know that celebration comes after they’ve won the game and not before the game has even started. So celebrate when you achieve your goals and share you achievement with your winning team that made it possible.

The Uncompassionate Leader

The Uncompassionate Leader

As a leader, its your job to delegate responsibility to your subordinates. In the military structure, a subordinate is trained to follow an order without question, or face some pretty stiff consequences. But in the civilian world, people may carry out an order, but do so in protest or with subtle subterfuge in retaliation for that order. Why is that? It’s because emotions intertwine themselves with the order being given which block the path for cooperation.

Why People Hate Orders

One of the fundamental needs that people have is the need for autonomy—to have freedom of choice and control in their lives. When you remove autonomy from a person’s life, conflict will erupt until the balance is restored. Wars happen when the autonomy of a nation or people becomes restricted beyond what is deemed acceptable. The same holds true for individuals. As a leader, issuing orders to a subordinate restricts their autonomy in their life, even if they are getting paid to do it. Remember that whether the situation is professional or personal, emotions are never separate from the problem or the objective. Both the problem and the emotions need to be dealt with separately.

The Uncompassionate Leader—“Get it Done Now!!”

I’ve worked for several supervisors who had the military mentality. They issue an order and they expect it to be done without complaint or delay. The uncompassionate leader who issues commands and orders is only looking at the problem and the solution. They are making the mistake of accounting for the emotional-factor into the equation. It’s just like if you were planning for a vacation trip and forgot to factor in your food costs. Dealing with the emotions of your employees is a critical part in getting an order done right.

Give Them Back Their Autonomy—Their Choice

Instead of barking out orders, try empowering your employees by giving them back their ability to make choices for themselves. How can you accomplish this? Simple. Instead of making a command, ask questions instead. Ask them for their help, rather than telling them what to do. This works because by asking the employee for their help, you subconsciously restore the balance of power to them. They have the option of saying, “No, I won’t help,” but realistically they will never say this because that would endanger their ability to put food on the table. Also people are inclined to help because it makes them feel good and it increases the bond between both the asker and the provider of that help. The compassionate leader will always use questions instead of barking out orders.

As a Trainer you can learn how to Change Attitudes to Reach Effectiveness....

Change Attitudes to Reach Effectiveness..

The world is made up of two groups of people they say - those who think and those who do not think. All of us have the potential to think for sure. But over the years many of us tend not to use our innate abilities to think and be independent. Lots of people can think but do not use that ability and end up being dependent.

Often when we train we come across many people who do not question, are quiet, reserved and even shy to ask, clarify, or just do not participate. The Behavioural Trainer has the techniques to bring out the best in every participant. The Behavioural Trainer is a master statesman who can get the participants around into doing the right things and eventually the training room comes alive. People are happy, the participants are enjoying, participating and learning joyfully. They play, they act, they smile, they are ready to take ownership for changing Attitudes and reaching effectiveness.

Productivity and Performance of all people at all stages in one’s life is an outcome of one’s behaviour. This behaviour is propelled by one’s attitude. But the concrete wall-like attitude by itself is a result of glue-like mindsets and die-hard habits. All training and development activities needs to directly deal with behaviours of people and not just a list of do’s and don’ts. This is also the reason why our parents, bosses and even teachers fail to influence the behaviours of their children, subordinate staff or students respectively. They advice, advice and advice and it just fails, fails, and fails!

Training & Development has the power to influence performance of individuals through the behavioural route. To enhance people’s productivity, organisations, educational institutions and families invest time effort and money. To gain faster and predictable outcomes one has no choice but to deal with people’s behaviour. Behaviour is caught and not taught and hence may lead to unconscious thoughts and beliefs in oneself and these thoughts and beliefs may not always be positive, healthy and good for, either, the individual, the team, the family or the organisation.

No training can be effective if behaviours are not dealt within the training format irrespective of topic on which one is training. Behavioural Training and development is both an art and equally a well established science. Huge advances in Behavioural sciences like Psychology, Sociology and Anthropology has contributed immensely to make training more and more result oriented. Today one can confidently assert that Training does give substantial returns on investment definitely through the Behaviour pathway.

It is time you pave the way forward, with a solid foundation in Behavioural methods at training and development. Behavioural Training of the Trainers helps to understand as to how they can easily change over to ‘inside-out training’ in order to be able to influence their participants to change their behaviours for the better.

Non-behavioural approaches bank heavily on text book knowledge, and tends to become teacher centred and as a result does not yield positive results. They are called the outmoded outside-in approach to training that does not guarantee change or improvement in performance or productivity in whatever field. Hence it is high time one change’s over to participant centred approaches where behaviour is the key.

Behavioural training is the in-thing that takes you on the path of a true Training professional. Behavioural Training has the added advantage of measurements as it strongly believes in measuring where you are now so that the training can be designed behaviourally to take you where you would want to be. Pre, during and post measurements are certainly possible. And that’s a definite plus for those who are groping in the dark. Now can you be left behind?



Reference:

Oscar Murphy International

The Training Of “The Will To Do”

The “Will To Do” is the greatest power in the world that is concerned with human accomplishment and no one can in advance determine its limits.

The things that we do now would have been a few ages ago impossibilities. Today the safe maxim is: "All things are possible."

The Will To Do is a force that is strictly practical, yet it is difficult to explain just what it is. It can be compared to electricity because we know it only through its cause and effects. It is a power we can direct and to just the extent we direct it do we determine our future. Every time you accomplish any definite act, consciously or unconsciously, you use the principle of the Will. You can Will to do anything whether it is right or wrong, and therefore the way you use your will makes a big difference in your life.

Every person possesses some "Will To Do." It is the inner energy which controls all conscious acts. What you will to do directs your life forces. All habits, good or bad, are the result of what you will to do. You improve or lower your condition in life by what you will to do. Your will has a connection with all avenues of knowledge, all activities, all accomplishment.

You probably know of cases where people have shown wonderful strength under some excitement, similar to the following: The house of a farmer's wife caught on fire. No one was around to help her move anything. She was a frail woman, and ordinarily was considered weak. On this occasion she removed things from the house that it later took three men to handle. It was the Will To Do that she used to accomplish her task.

Genius Is But A Will To Do Little Things With Infinite Pains. Little Things Well Done Open The Door Of Opportunity For Bigger Things.

The Will accomplishes its greater results through activities that grow out of great concentration in acquiring the power of voluntary attention to such an extent that we can direct it where we will and hold it steadily to its task until our aim is accomplished. When you learn so to use it, your Will Power becomes a mighty force. Almost everything can be accomplished through its proper use. It is greater than physical force because it can be used to control not only physical but mental and moral forces.

There are very few that possess perfectly developed and balanced Will Power, but those who do easily crush out their weak qualities. Study yourself carefully. Find out your greatest weakness and then use your will power to overcome it. In this way eradicate your faults, one by one, until you have built up a strong character and personality.

Rules for Improvement

A desire arises. Now think whether this would be good for you. If it is not, use your Will Power to kill out the desire, but, on the other hand, if it is a righteous desire, summon all your Will Power to your aid, crush all obstacles that confront you and secure possession of the coveted Good.

Slowness in Making Decisions

This is a weakness of Will Power. You know you should do something, but you delay doing it through lack of decision. It is easier not to do a certain thing than to do it, but conscience says to do it. The vast majority of persons are failures because of the lack of deciding to do a thing when it should be done. Those that are successful have been quick to grasp opportunities by making a quick decision. This power of will can be used to bring culture, wealth and health.

Some Special Pointers

For the next week try to make quicker decisions in your little daily affairs. Set the hour you wish to get up and arise exactly at the fixed time. Anything that you should accomplish, do on or ahead of time. You want, of course, to give due deliberation to weighty matters, but by making quick decisions on little things you will acquire the ability to make quick decisions in bigger things. Never procrastinate. Decide quickly one way or the other even at the risk of deciding wrong. Practice this for a week or two and notice your improvement.

The Lack of Initiative

This, too, keeps many men from succeeding. They have fallen into the way of imitating others in all that they do. Very often we hear the expression, "He seems clever enough, but he lacks initiative." Life for them is one continuous grind. Day after day they go through the same monotonous round of duties, while those that are "getting along" are using their initiative to get greater fullness of life. There is nothing so responsible for poverty as this lack of initiative, this power to think and do for ourselves.

You Are as Good as Anyone

You have will power, and if you use it, you will get your share of the luxuries of life. So use it to claim your own. Don't depend on anyone else to help you. We have to fight our own battles. All the world loves a fighter, while the coward is despised by all.

Every person's problems are different, so I can only say "analyze your opportunities and conditions and study your natural abilities." Form plans for improvement and then put them into operation. Now, as I said before, don't just say, "I am going to do so and so," but carry your plan into execution. Don't make an indefinite plan, but a definite one, and then don't give up until your object has been accomplished. Put these suggestions into practice with true earnestness, and you will soon note astonishing results, and your whole life will be completely changed. An excellent motto for one of pure motives is: Through my will power I dare do what I want to. You will find this affirmation has a very strengthening effect.

The Spirit of Perseverance

The spirit of "sticktoitiveness" is the one that wins. Many go just so far and then give up, whereas, if they had persevered a little longer, they would have won out. Many have much initiative, but instead of concentrating it into one channel, they diffuse it through several, thereby dissipating it to such an extent that its effect is lost.

Develop more determination, which is only the Will To Do, and when you start out to do something stick to it until you get results. Of course, before starting anything you must look ahead and see what the "finish leads to." You must select a road that will lead to "somewhere," rather than "nowhere." The journey must be productive of some kind of substantial results. The trouble with so many young men is that they launch enterprises without any end in sight. It is not so much the start as the finish of a journey that counts. Each little move should bring you nearer the goal which you planned to reach before the enterprise began.

Lack of Perseverance is nothing but the lack of the Will To Do. It takes the same energy to say, "I will continue," as to say, "I give up." Just the moment you say the latter you shut off your dynamo, and your determination is gone. Every time you allow your determination to be broken you weaken it. Don't forget this. Just the instant you notice your determination beginning to weaken, concentrate on it and by sheer Will Power make it continue on the "job."

Never try to make a decision when you are not in a calm state of mind. If in a "quick temper," you are likely to say things you afterwards regret. In anger, you follow impulse rather than reason. No one can expect to achieve success if he makes decisions when not in full control of his mental forces.

Therefore make it a fixed rule to make decisions only when at your best. If you have a "quick temper," you can quickly gain control over it by simple rule of counting backwards. To count backwards requires concentration, and you thus quickly regain a calm state. In this way you can break the "temper habit."

It will do you a lot of good to think over what you said and thought the last time you were angry. Persevere until you see yourself as others see you. It would do no harm to write the scene out in story form and then sit in judgment of the character that played your part.

Special Instructions to Develop the Will To Do. This is a form of mental energy, but requires the proper mental attitude to make it manifest. We hear of people having wonderful will power, which really is wrong. It should be said that they use their will power while with many it is a latent force. I want you to realize that no one has a monopoly on will power. There is plenty for all. What we speak of as will power is but the gathering together of mental energy, the concentration power at one point. So never think of that person as having a stronger will than yours. Each person will be supplied with just that amount of will power that he demands. You don't have to develop will power if you constantly make use of all you have, and remember the way in which you use it determines your fate, for your life is moulded to great extent by the use you make of your will. Unless you make proper use of it you have neither independence nor firmness. You are unable to control yourself and become a mere machine for others to use. It is more important to learn to use your will than to develop your intellect. The man that has not learned how to use his will rarely decides things for himself, but allows his resolutions to be changed by others. He fluctuates from one opinion to another, and of course does not accomplish anything out of the ordinary, while his brother with the trained will takes his place among the world's leaders.

Qualities of a True Leader

“Leadership is the art of getting someone to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”

Dwight D. Eisenhower

The highly successful people in the world are naturally leaders in their respective fields. If you want to realize any level of success in your own life, then you need to make the commitment towards becoming a leader too. Focus on becoming great at what you love to do in life and then step up to the plate and inspire others to do the same. Leadership is about creating a strong foundation within yourself that is able to support and nurture those that are weaker than you are.

A very important distinction is that a leader is not a title or a position. Kevin Cashman, a leadership coach and the CEO of LeaderSource, says that “Too many people separate the act of leadership from the leader. They see leadership as something that they do, rather than as an expression of who they are.” The difference between someone in the position of power, such as a manager, executive, politician, etc. and a leader is that a positionally-powerful person can get people to do what they want merely because they have the power to levy punishment if their followers don’t comply.

While this can get people to do what they want, it also harbors resentment because it pushes people towards action by the threat of causing pain in their lives. A leader, on the other hand, inspires and motivates their followers to take action on their own volition without creating that negative aura of threat. True leaders possess a passionate and powerful vision of what they want to accomplish and they share that vision with as many people as they can. The title of Manager is simply a position, but that title in itself does not make the person a leader. In reality, the person at the very bottom of the organizational structure can be a leader even in absence of any authority. A leader inspires hope within their followers and it’s that vision of hope that makes a true leader more powerful than any person of authority. This article will describe the important qualities that a person needs to possess in order to be a true passionate leader.

“Before you become a leader, success is all about growing you. When you become a leader, success is all about growing others.”

Jack Welch

Be a Visionary

People will only follow a vision that is perfectly clear in their minds, therefore, it’s extremely important that you yourself must possess a crystal clear vision of what you want to accomplish and the direction that you want to go. If your vision is the slightest bit blurry in your mind, then how can you expect to lead people if you don’t know where you are going yourself? You must be able to see the big picture and then develop the plan on how to get there because in order to lead people, you have to keep things simple enough for them to take action on and you must be able to convey your vision to them. Develop a statement of purpose for yourself and for your company if you don’t already have one. Continue to rewrite it each day until it becomes something that you are passionate about and when you speak it out loud, you feel emotionally charged and empowered. Always remember that vague goals will always produce vague results. Share your vision with your team and let them take ownership in that dream by showing them how it can benefit their lives. Remember that people don’t follow other people—they follow the vision that the chosen leader is committed towards. Take any great leader throughout history and study their life and you will undoubtedly see a truly great visionary.

Be Passionate About What You Do

A leader must possess the highest level of passion for their vision in order to inspire those around them with that same level of energy. A leader who does not demonstrate passion for what they’re doing will instead emit a negative energy to their team, which will cause chaos and de-motivation towards their goals. Always be passionate about what you are doing and strive to share that passion with others. Remember the saying, “Energy flows where attention goes.”

Be True to Yourself

Always strive to display the highest degree of integrity that you can. Integrity is simply the act of being the same on the inside as you claim to be on the outside. People want to believe that you practice in your own life what you preach to them. The lack of integrity is the reason why politicians have such a tarnished reputation today because some of them lacked the integrity that people desire from their leaders. Most people fail becoming leaders because they display a poor level of integrity. They put on a false illusion of leadership in front of their team, but after the show is over, when they are away from the spotlight, their personal lives are anything but inspirational. A true leader possesses a strong foundation from within and it’s that foundation which supports the great teams that they build. True leaders must possess the highest level of integrity. Integrity is congruency of actions and intentions—doing what you say and acting the same on the outside as you do on the inside. Leaders are thought focusers. They make the confusing—clear. Therefore, the leader themselves must be polarized towards one focal point or else they will run the risk of confusing their followers and dissolving that focused energy that was once a vision. So follow the age old rule of do what you say and say what you do.

Be Courageous

Rudolph Giuliani once said that a hero is not one who is fearless. A true hero is one who feels the fear and yet moves forward regardless. A leader is a hero who must be strong enough to face their fears of failing, kick it aside, and move forward anyways. Leaders realize not to cover or hide their fear, but rather, they acknowledge it like everyone else, but they also manage their fears rather than allow their fears to manage them. Remember that even the best leaders make mistakes, but what separates the great leaders from the mediocre ones is that the great leaders are willing to admit they made a mistake and they use it as a tool to create a better future for themselves and their team. Mediocre leaders, on the other hand, live in self-deceit and allow their ego to get in the way of doing what’s right for themselves and everyone who follows them. They stand firm in their decision that they’ve made, even when they know that it’s the wrong one and they would rather sink with the ship and take their team with them, rather than admit a mistake. The fear of failure is something that holds 90% of people from achieving their maximum potential in life. A true leader is one who makes a decision and moves forwards and sees failures not as failures, but as lessons for their future success.

Be Action-Oriented

The universe doesn’t reward people for what they know, it rewards people for what they do and leaders are doers. Leaders are geared towards taking action and they realize that for a team to come together, it requires moving from potential to action. The decision is yours to make. While making a decision might lead towards failure, the act of failing to make a decision will absolutely guarantee failure. It’s important to remember that leaders rarely have 100% of the information needed to make an informed decision. Those leaders who wait until they have all the information before they act, usually act too late. A true leader is intuitive and listens to their “gut instincts” because it usually gives them the right answer when uncertainty exists.

Be a Builder of Outstanding Teams

In any team sport, it’s not always the case where the team with the best players win. Exceptionally talented players are important, but it’s not as important as how those players work as a collective whole, as a single and powerful unified force. Therefore, it stands to reason that most of your time as a leader needs to be committed towards selecting, evaluating, coaching and strategically placing your players. As a leader, you must be a great team-builder because if people don’t work together on a common goal, then that mission will ultimately fail. Realize that the people that you have on your team won’t simply come together on their own. They need someone who can organize them into an efficient team. A great leader knows the importance of having a team comprised of the right mix of individuals with different and varying strengths and weaknesses and the strategic placement of these individuals on the playing field that will fully utilize their strengths, while minimizing any weaknesses.

Be a Role-Model

Over 80% of what people learn is from what they observe from other people. As a leader, people will be focusing on your life, both professionally and personally, as an example of how to act themselves. If you want to see your team with exceptional personal qualities that you admire, then make sure that you yourself are demonstrating those same qualities. Your followers will mirror back the qualtities that you display towards them. A true leader is committed towards serving their team and does what’s necessary to push the team closer to that ultimate vision. Along the same note, a leader must never complain in front of their team because that shows a lack of direction. A chain-of-command management philosophy I learned in the police force was that criticism should always go up the chain of command, while praise should always go downwards. An officer never gripes to his troops, he gripes to his superiors, while patting his troops on the back for doing a job well done.

Be a Learner

Leaders are learners. Our wisdom for making the right decisions is shaped and molded by our experiences in life. Leaders not only immerse themselves into experiencing as much as they can throughout life, but they also learn from the wisdom of other people as a way to leverage the time that they have. We can learn from our own mistakes and accomplishments, but we can also learn from the mistakes of others as well and it’s for this reason that leaders must be learners. Strive to maximize your own personal development by taking courses, reading books, listening to audio programs and immersing yourself into something new that will cause personal growth to happen. Leaders by their very nature have almost an obsession with personal growth because it’s from wisdom and experience that produces a higher quality decision.

Be a Great Communicator

Great leaders know how to communicate to their team effectively. They know how to deliver their message in a way that will create a lasting impact on the people who are listening to them. A great leader will also listen to the people that follow them. Through communication, leaders can convey specific goals and instructions to their followers. Leaders are listeners. I’ve known many bosses out there in the world that really haven’t grasped the ability to listen effectively. They are too busy thinking about what to say next, that they fail to grasp the valuable feedback and ideas that are given to them. Remember that consequences, both positive and negative, require actions and actions require decisions and decisions require an effective exchange of communication. Poor communication almost always results in a poor decision and the end result is a very poor consequence because of it.

Be Competent

A major component of trust is competence. To be a great leader, you have maintain a level of proficiency at what you do. To often, skilled people rise up the promotional ranks into a management position and they inevitably fail because they are no longer handling the technical aspects of the department that they were so good at before and instead, their have assumed a position that demands a whole new type of intelligence—interpersonal intelligence—the ability to interact well with others. A great leader is not only competent at the technical portion of things, but they are also competent at interacting with others. Strive to develop both to become a great leader.

Be Compassionate

People in the position of power often forget simple manners when it comes to delegating responsibilities to their subordinates. A great leader is respectful at all times and follows the platinum rule of giving all people unconditional love and acceptance regardless of whether they deserve it or whether they want it. It’s sometimes too easy to allow positional power to go to one’s head and when that happens, that person is no longer a leader, but instead a dictator. A genuine leader is one who is compassionate towards others. They have the power of empathizing with all people and understanding how they might feel. A false leader, on the other hand, does not empathize with their people, but instead makes decisions based on what they want or what is popular or what is good for them. The greatest leaders display the quality of unconditional love. Unconditional love is the love of all people without reservation and without having them demonstrate behaviors that you want them to. Unconditional love helps the leader put aside their wants and allows them to see what is good for other people. A compassionate leader also knows that they are not above anyone else and does not treat others as if they were. They understand that they simply have a role to fulfill just as other people do and they always treat others with respect and dignity at all times.

Be Intuitive

In my experience, all the outstanding leaders I’ve known have a very keen sense of intuition. They listen to their “gut” feeling and are sensitive to when their body is telling them that something feels bad or doesn’t sit well with them and they don’t ignore it. Leaders combine their gut feeling with their experience to avoid the pitfalls that sometimes open up underneath an organization at any time. It’s the intuitive nature of a leader that enables them to balance the information given to him by the “experts” with what feels right inside. While experts can give a lot of useful information, they are usually more resources of data than pragmatics and usually wither and die out on the battlefield of reality.

Be a Mentor

A great leader does not only see people as they are, they see people as how they could be. A dictator holds his people down and prevents growth, while a leader knows the value of developing his people and enhancing their potential. A true leader encourages his team to take on new responsibilities and to grow and learn because that investment in the personal growth of their team will pay off substantially in the future.

Be Willing to Celebrate

Many managers get caught up with trying to be professional by not celebrating enough. Celebration delivers positive energy and recognition to their teams for an effort well-done. Make a big deal about achievements as if your team had just won the Super Bowl or the World Cup. Celebrations are an important tool for motivation.

Conclusion

The path towards living a life of significance demands that you become an exceptional leader. Start working on building your leadership qualities as I have outlined here and never stop building on those skills for the rest of your living days. The better a leader you become, the more people will hear and follow your message and the greater positive change you can influence on the world as part of your legacy. As Major General Perry M. Smith (Ret. USAF) once said, “All leaders must work hard to build the future, for that is where they and their people will spend the rest of their lives.”